Sex Adviser

Personal posts for help on difficult sex experiences.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

What is the purpose of sex in later life?

Sex is a way to affirm the love of life. It is an expression of the satisfaction gained from the present.

As we all approach later life, two of the things which brought us the greatest joy - our children and/or our careers - are no longer as prevalent in our every day. This means that our personal relationships take on an increased importance. It is a way of solidifying our relationship with our partner and taking refuge from the sometimes harsh reality of the world. Sex expresses the closeness of our deepest relationships and is an important measure of the quality of life.
The amount of vaginal stimulation required to elicit sexual response may increase as women age. This need for increased stimulation can be revealed by a general sexual unresponsiveness. Constant clitoral stimulation is required by some women to become sexually aroused. This can be accomplished through manual or oral stimulation provided by their partner. An alternative source of stimulation is a vibrator. Vibrators can supply constant stimulation to the clitoris and vagina, and can also be used to relax and stimulate other areas of the body. For those who want to try a vibrator but are unsure where to start, we recommend the Pocket Rocket. This little device is a perfect first vibrator. It provides strong vibrations and is not shaped like a penis - which some men find disconcerting.

Sex & Aging

We are all victims of the harmful attitudes towards older people in our society. As we age, we will have to deal with the preconceptions which now exist.

Now is the time to address harmful stereotypes and insure that elderly people in the future do not have to live with the prejudices that affect them today.
Societal attitudes toward sexuality in later life are troubling. A great number believe that far fewer mature men and women have sex than actually do. Many feel that after a certain age, sexuality becomes an insignificant or indifferent part of life. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most older people experience some interest in sexual intimacy. Many people are sexually intimate well into their 80s and beyond. We do not all of a sudden become asexual beings; our capacity for sexual intimacy will be with us our entire lives. The real differences that exist lie in the way sexuality is expressed. Most anything can be a turn-on at 20, but at 60, after years of sexual experience, expressions of sexuality are more refined, more evolved. The act can be at this time can be a masterwork after years study.

ID Pleasure

Women who would like a little extra stimulation can also try ID Pleasure, a high-market lubricant containing L-Arginine.

L-Arginine is a non-essential amino acid which, through clinical testing, has been shown to enhance sexual arousal in women. When ID Pleasure is applied to the clitoris and vaginal walls for lubrication the L-Arginine will increase the blood flow to the region, heightening sensitivity. Heightened sensitivity, in turn, naturally results in a greater responsiveness to sexual stimulation. One of the added benefits to ID Pleasure is that it will also increase a man's blood flow, creating a stronger erection and increased stimulation.
Another method changes the way the woman is entered, creating an angle that better stimulates the clitoris. First, the woman lies on her back with her legs shut. Spread some lubricant (not too copiously) on the man’s penis or dildo if you're using one. Entry now should cause more stimulation to the clitoris, and more friction at the nerve-rich surface of the vagina. Many men also find that it is a very nice feeling on their penis. For a variation, the man can face his partner's legs and then the most sensitive part of the penis (frenulum) comes in contact with the clitoris. Finally, you may wish to use a vibrator during intercourse. A quality electric vibrator is powerful enough to provide stimulation to both the clitoris and the penis. Using a vibrator with the T position offers a nice way to stimulate both the woman and man. If you're interested in vibrations for two - the Hitachi Magic Wand is sure to deliver. It's a powerful electric vibrator which we consider to be one of the best vibrators on the market. If you prefer a battery operated vibrator, you should consider the Pocket Rocket. It and its quiet cousin, the Silent Pocket Rocket, combine excellent power in small packages. Alternatively, you can try the Tongue II, the strongest battery vibe on the market with its four required batteries.

Vaginal Sex

Choose positions that give you or your partner access to the clitoris.

Good sex is a potpourri of different ingredients, all of which combine to make the act pleasurable and memorable. This section will take you briefly through some of the ingredients of good vaginal sex, and while intended for all readers, will focus on heterosexual lovemaking.
Overall, intercourse is an intimate encounter like all the other activities described in this guide. Like these other activities, intercourse demands a little bit of know-how and a lot of communication with your partner.
Some women have no problem reaching orgasm from simple vaginal penetration because the movement of the labia can provide some clitoral stimulation while the nerve endings inside the vagina are delicately engorged. Still there are many women (some estimates would say as high as 60%) who for anatomical or psychological reasons can't reach orgasm from penetration alone. This isn't because something’s wrong! Sexual intercourse alone doesn't treat the clitoris to direct stimulation, it almost ignores this important erogenous area altogether.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Anal Sex

The essential things that have made for some AMAZING anal experiences for me are:

1) Being in the mood. If I don't want something in my ass that day, nothing is going to make me loosen up.
2) Having a clear rectum. It may take some planning, but if you think you might be having anal intercourse, eat fiber the day before. I like having an empty, relatively clean ass before anal sex, but I've found that if I go to the bathroom just before, the tissues are sometimes a little torn or raw if I'd been constipated, and that makes anal sex stingly painful and continually irritating--no fun. So I like to stay regular before anal sex. Get to know your regular bowel movements, and plan accordingly.
3) Trust. This, obviously, takes time. But it also deepens the pleasure for both us. And without trust, I find it difficult to relax.
4) Relaxation. If I'm feeling loved and thoroughly adored, chances are pretty good that my ass is wanting it. If he as gone down on me and gotten me to cum once already, I'm even more relaxed. Things that really help to relax the anal sphincters for me are slow breathing, him massaging my ass (not just my anus, but the entire ass, cheeks and all), the sound of his voice, and slow and gentle finger play with my anus. I love the sound of my lover's voice; I love to hear him tell me how beautiful my ass is, how much he wants me, how much he loves me, how wonderful it's going to feel for the both of us when he is inside me. The sound is incredibly relaxing, and it builds the very intimate and trusting atmosphere. That and him teasing my ass very slowly with his fingers and Astroglide (we haven't tried annilingus yet, but we are planning on it), makes sure I'm very ready.